You are going to make it.
You are not going to fail.
Tomorrow, you will walk into the exam, confident, ready, full to brim with dates and facts and figures and formulas.
You are going to know all your historians.
You will remember to write ''M'' when you calculate equilibrium constants.
You are going to know that the Shanghai Massacre was in April 1927 and it fractured the First United Front. You are going to know that the formula of oleum is H2S2O7, and that the process in which it is mixed with hydrosulfuric acid takes place in the absorption tower.
This time tomorrow, I promise you. You can sleep all you want. It's just 16 more hours. You've come so far, don't give up now.
11.11.2009
11.10.2009
The missing piece of a puzzle.
Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.
-Antoine de Saint-Expury
Have I ever told you guys? I don't like long goodbyes.
No, that is inaccurate. I love long goodbyes because they make me feel like people don't want to leave me, that they like me enough to want me to stay. But I'm scared of them-scared of appearing clingy, needy, scared of becoming a burden. I'm always afraid that you guys have something more important to do, like kissing your boyfriend or doing homework that's due tomorrow or going to save the world, and you don't want me tagging along.
So I often give a crisp nod, or carelessly toss a ''bye'' over my shoulder.
I don't like public displays of affection either. It is true that I have twenty million ''baby''s and I say ''I love you'' every two seconds and Bob and I's love life is public knowledge,
(Um, I know lah www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com is G-rated, but I really couldn't resist! This picture, is, uh, open to interpretation.)
but I rarely initiate hugs. I have never hugged Lynn before. In fact, I only took two pictures alone with her this year, and this is one of them.
(because she doesn't initiate hugs either, so both of us just awkwardly stand there and stare at each other WTF)
I don't know. I'm completely comfortable talking about my feelings online. Or on paper. But.....face to face, I just can't.
So the next time I grunt a reply and then quickly walk off, it's not because I wanted you to go away. Quite the opposite: I wanted you to stay, but I love you too much to try and make you my own.
~~~
Today, I found the missing piece to my puzzle (:
Project 365- Day 268, 10/11/2009
-Antoine de Saint-Expury
Have I ever told you guys? I don't like long goodbyes.
No, that is inaccurate. I love long goodbyes because they make me feel like people don't want to leave me, that they like me enough to want me to stay. But I'm scared of them-scared of appearing clingy, needy, scared of becoming a burden. I'm always afraid that you guys have something more important to do, like kissing your boyfriend or doing homework that's due tomorrow or going to save the world, and you don't want me tagging along.So I often give a crisp nod, or carelessly toss a ''bye'' over my shoulder.
I don't like public displays of affection either. It is true that I have twenty million ''baby''s and I say ''I love you'' every two seconds and Bob and I's love life is public knowledge,
(Um, I know lah www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com is G-rated, but I really couldn't resist! This picture, is, uh, open to interpretation.)but I rarely initiate hugs. I have never hugged Lynn before. In fact, I only took two pictures alone with her this year, and this is one of them.
(because she doesn't initiate hugs either, so both of us just awkwardly stand there and stare at each other WTF)I don't know. I'm completely comfortable talking about my feelings online. Or on paper. But.....face to face, I just can't.
So the next time I grunt a reply and then quickly walk off, it's not because I wanted you to go away. Quite the opposite: I wanted you to stay, but I love you too much to try and make you my own.
~~~
Today, I found the missing piece to my puzzle (:
Project 365- Day 268, 10/11/2009
Dream.
It was mentoring with Desmond.
Lynn and Sheryl came along.
Desmond didn't want to mentor me anymore, he wanted to eat fish and chips. His chips were in sweet chili sauce- I never knew he liked sweet chili. He drank beer. He told me the beer was called Guang Liang (which is a singer's name, I don't know, but it made sense at that time.) I knew it was a Chinese Detailed Study thing.
Desmond wanted to go to the city. He went on the train.
I wanted to go too, but I had to stay with Lynn and Sheryl.
It was somehow necessary to say goodbye. I persuaded them to let me say goodbye.
I ran on the train and he sat in a corner. In the split second I had, I said goodbye. He didn't understand what I was saying, but he nodded and smiled like he understood.
I run through the doors, jump out to Lynn and Sheryl just as the train starts moving.
Lynn and Sheryl came along.
Desmond didn't want to mentor me anymore, he wanted to eat fish and chips. His chips were in sweet chili sauce- I never knew he liked sweet chili. He drank beer. He told me the beer was called Guang Liang (which is a singer's name, I don't know, but it made sense at that time.) I knew it was a Chinese Detailed Study thing.
Desmond wanted to go to the city. He went on the train.
I wanted to go too, but I had to stay with Lynn and Sheryl.
It was somehow necessary to say goodbye. I persuaded them to let me say goodbye.
I ran on the train and he sat in a corner. In the split second I had, I said goodbye. He didn't understand what I was saying, but he nodded and smiled like he understood.
I run through the doors, jump out to Lynn and Sheryl just as the train starts moving.
11.09.2009
Last.
Today, after mentoring with May and Desmond, we went to eat Japanese food to celebrate my last ever mentoring session in my entire life. (Although I don't think May realized the significance of the occasion.)
*I'm waiting for May to bluetooth her picture to Desmond, and for Desmond to MSN the picture to me.
~~~
At night, when you look up at the sky,
since I shall be living on a star,
and since I shall be laughing on a star,
for you it will be as if all the stars are laughing.
You alone will have stars that can laugh!
The Little Prince
Today Desmond gave me this:
Project 365- Day 267, 9/11/2009
It's a little boy I gave him some time ago, except he now looks much prettier.
Ever since I was a little kid, colouring in colouring books, I have always had the compulsion to make things pretty. I always coloured in the line, and the colours I used were always orthodox: blue for the sky, white for the clouds, orange for the faces (because I didn't have peach).
Sometimes, in the process of making things prettier, we also rob them of their meaning.
Other times, we give them more meaning.
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. So is beauty.
So this means that you can sometimes think some things are beautiful, but sometimes think they are ugly too. Given that you think they are beautiful, they can sometimes mean nothing, or they can mean everything.
I don't know why you're still reading.
*I'm waiting for May to bluetooth her picture to Desmond, and for Desmond to MSN the picture to me.
~~~
At night, when you look up at the sky,
since I shall be living on a star,
and since I shall be laughing on a star,
for you it will be as if all the stars are laughing.
You alone will have stars that can laugh!
The Little Prince
Today Desmond gave me this:
Project 365- Day 267, 9/11/2009
It's a little boy I gave him some time ago, except he now looks much prettier.Ever since I was a little kid, colouring in colouring books, I have always had the compulsion to make things pretty. I always coloured in the line, and the colours I used were always orthodox: blue for the sky, white for the clouds, orange for the faces (because I didn't have peach).
Sometimes, in the process of making things prettier, we also rob them of their meaning.
Other times, we give them more meaning.
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. So is beauty.
So this means that you can sometimes think some things are beautiful, but sometimes think they are ugly too. Given that you think they are beautiful, they can sometimes mean nothing, or they can mean everything.
I don't know why you're still reading.
11.08.2009
Hot.
I am so hot!
I AM REALLY VERY HOT OK. I have melted into a pool of melty goop. Like this.
I can't do any Methods Trial Exams. I don't know whether it's because I'm so hot, or because I'm just stupid. Either way I am going to fail my Methods exam and I won't get to become a lawyer or a teacher because lawyers and teachers need good, raw, working brains and mine are fried wtf.
I am very happy today because I have discovered the joys of manual double-sided printing! (:
Project 365- Day 266, 8/11/2009
Oh, remember my cartoon yesterday about Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare?
I gleefully told Desmond today he has to love me more than I love him because he has longer arms, and Desmond said that's not true because he will refuse to open his arms.
*heartbroken
Okay goodbye everybody time to try ZH's Neap book instead of Itute.
I AM REALLY VERY HOT OK. I have melted into a pool of melty goop. Like this.
I can't do any Methods Trial Exams. I don't know whether it's because I'm so hot, or because I'm just stupid. Either way I am going to fail my Methods exam and I won't get to become a lawyer or a teacher because lawyers and teachers need good, raw, working brains and mine are fried wtf.
I am very happy today because I have discovered the joys of manual double-sided printing! (:
Project 365- Day 266, 8/11/2009
Oh, remember my cartoon yesterday about Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare?
I gleefully told Desmond today he has to love me more than I love him because he has longer arms, and Desmond said that's not true because he will refuse to open his arms.*heartbroken
Okay goodbye everybody time to try ZH's Neap book instead of Itute.
11.07.2009
The best feeling in the world.
There is luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us the absolution.
--Oscar Wilde
Is knowing you have tried, and there was nothing else you could have done.
Is knowing you could have changed the outcome, but didn't.
Is knowing that one misstep cost you everything.
Is knowing what could have been, without making it be.
~~~
Today Wyekeat showed me yet another inspiring website.
Project 365- Day 265, 7/11/2009
I think that's a really good message. Sometimes, we always wonder what could have been if we had done more. If we had met at a different time. If we had gone on instead of gone apart. But there aren't any ''what could have beens''. There is just: today, now, here.
This is for Irene, because of a heated debate about Harry Potter and Twilight that we once had:
Sorry lah Edward-fans.
And this goes for every single one of you.
Oh, yeah.
A few days ago, my ambition in life was to have a blue rose, because Lynn told me that it is impossible to plant a blue rose.
I wouldn't even mind if my blue rose was only blue because you put food dye on it! I'd be happy anyway. (:
But after seeing this, I have decided that I have found my life's purpose. I don't want to be a lawyer, or a teacher, or anything else. I just want to live in a house with a kitchen like this.
And......I think I'll dedicate this to Tzuhui and Desmond. Tzuhui because I think she'll like this, and Desmond because he has the longest arms of anyone I know.
My own arms are not very big, but....I love you all very much. All of you. Thanks for reading www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com (:
--Oscar Wilde
Is knowing you have tried, and there was nothing else you could have done.
Is knowing you could have changed the outcome, but didn't.
Is knowing that one misstep cost you everything.
Is knowing what could have been, without making it be.
~~~
Today Wyekeat showed me yet another inspiring website.
Project 365- Day 265, 7/11/2009
I think that's a really good message. Sometimes, we always wonder what could have been if we had done more. If we had met at a different time. If we had gone on instead of gone apart. But there aren't any ''what could have beens''. There is just: today, now, here.This is for Irene, because of a heated debate about Harry Potter and Twilight that we once had:
Sorry lah Edward-fans.And this goes for every single one of you.
Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
- Atticus Finch
We aren't all talented or smart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am about to fail VCE, and, maybe, so are you. But to go into an exam hall and try, even if your best isn't good enough, is already incredible, incredible courage.
- Atticus Finch
We aren't all talented or smart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am about to fail VCE, and, maybe, so are you. But to go into an exam hall and try, even if your best isn't good enough, is already incredible, incredible courage.
Oh, yeah.
A few days ago, my ambition in life was to have a blue rose, because Lynn told me that it is impossible to plant a blue rose.
I wouldn't even mind if my blue rose was only blue because you put food dye on it! I'd be happy anyway. (:But after seeing this, I have decided that I have found my life's purpose. I don't want to be a lawyer, or a teacher, or anything else. I just want to live in a house with a kitchen like this.
And......I think I'll dedicate this to Tzuhui and Desmond. Tzuhui because I think she'll like this, and Desmond because he has the longest arms of anyone I know.
My own arms are not very big, but....I love you all very much. All of you. Thanks for reading www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com (:
11.06.2009
If you were 10, my love for you would be divided by 3.
Today Lynn, Richa and I discovered that most numbers (except multiples of 3), when divided by 3, give an infinite value! e.g. 10/3 = 3.333333333333 ad infinitum. Isn't that cool!
Today's post will be about numbers because Tienyi is a mathematician.
No, really. I love Maths.
But I do realize that many of www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com readers don't share my ardent passion for it, so today we will not talk about complicated things like trigonometry or calculus. We will talk about simple, basic, primary-school maths.
This is a ball. His name is Mr. Happyball because he is smiling.
Mr. Happyball lives in a house with three other friends. They are: Mr. Shockedball, Mr. Sadball, and Mr. FacelessBall.
I thought Mr. FacelessBall would be sad for not having a face, so I gave him lots of hair. A question for Linh: would you rather have no face or no hair?
One day, Mr. Happyball decided to go out for a walk in the woods.
Project 365- Day 264, 6/11/2009
Note that Mr. Happyball is not walking on the path! I thought he should take the road less travelled.
While Mr. Happyball is out in the woods, Mr. Sadball is at home being sad. Mr. Shockedball is at home screaming in shock, and Mr FacelessBall is at home looking into the mirror.
Today's post will be about numbers because Tienyi is a mathematician.
No, really. I love Maths.
But I do realize that many of www.rainbows-and-cookies.blogspot.com readers don't share my ardent passion for it, so today we will not talk about complicated things like trigonometry or calculus. We will talk about simple, basic, primary-school maths.
This is a ball. His name is Mr. Happyball because he is smiling.
Mr. Happyball lives in a house with three other friends. They are: Mr. Shockedball, Mr. Sadball, and Mr. FacelessBall.
I thought Mr. FacelessBall would be sad for not having a face, so I gave him lots of hair. A question for Linh: would you rather have no face or no hair?
One day, Mr. Happyball decided to go out for a walk in the woods.
Project 365- Day 264, 6/11/2009
Note that Mr. Happyball is not walking on the path! I thought he should take the road less travelled.While Mr. Happyball is out in the woods, Mr. Sadball is at home being sad. Mr. Shockedball is at home screaming in shock, and Mr FacelessBall is at home looking into the mirror.
How many balls are at home?
11.05.2009
General.
Today Nancy showed me this video, and I thought it was a bit cheesy, but still, it is very sweet! It's in Cantonese with English subtitles, so you can all watch it and discuss it with me (:
Project 365- Day 263, 5/11/2009
Thank you Nancy!
~~~
Today was the Psychology exam, and I have never done worse. I never knew there was a difference between retrograde and retroactive interference?! And criticizing the experimenter when the study wasn't actually even conducted by him..... oh well.
Everyone else said it was very easy. I, uh, have already lost a gazillion marks and the rest of you have perfect scores. I think my life isn't worth living anymore.
Okay la I'm not THAT suicidal!
Project 365- Day 263, 5/11/2009
Thank you Nancy!
~~~
Today was the Psychology exam, and I have never done worse. I never knew there was a difference between retrograde and retroactive interference?! And criticizing the experimenter when the study wasn't actually even conducted by him..... oh well.
Everyone else said it was very easy. I, uh, have already lost a gazillion marks and the rest of you have perfect scores. I think my life isn't worth living anymore.
Okay la I'm not THAT suicidal!
11.04.2009
Mmmm.
Time to pick myself up again!
And I know just where to start (:
1) I want to talk to: CORDELIA JIA TIAN FOO**, LYNN SANDI KYAW, BHAVJEET KAUR SAXENA**, EDDY PHAM, GUMJI KANG, MELODY CHONG, SIU MUN LEE, SHIREEN ANUSHA**, SHARON CHEN, AND YIHRUE ONG.
**people with stars are extra urgent.
2) On the 12th of November 2009, I will be busy, so LYNN SANDI KYAW and SHERYL LIEW, please go home immediately after Chemistry. (Or, um, you can go clubbing wtf.)
3) But for now, I need: NELSON PSYCHOLOGY UNIT 4, MATHSMETHODS UNITS3&4.
~~~
Happy birthday, Porpor.
Project 365- Day 262, 4/11/2009
And I know just where to start (:
1) I want to talk to: CORDELIA JIA TIAN FOO**, LYNN SANDI KYAW, BHAVJEET KAUR SAXENA**, EDDY PHAM, GUMJI KANG, MELODY CHONG, SIU MUN LEE, SHIREEN ANUSHA**, SHARON CHEN, AND YIHRUE ONG.
**people with stars are extra urgent.
2) On the 12th of November 2009, I will be busy, so LYNN SANDI KYAW and SHERYL LIEW, please go home immediately after Chemistry. (Or, um, you can go clubbing wtf.)
3) But for now, I need: NELSON PSYCHOLOGY UNIT 4, MATHSMETHODS UNITS3&4.
~~~
Happy birthday, Porpor.
Project 365- Day 262, 4/11/2009
11.03.2009
Slut.
To be true to yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement.
It is oddly liberating to acknowledge that I am a slut.
Before this, if you had called me a slut, or a bitch, or a whore, or any equivalent, I would have burst into tears on the spot. I would have curled into a corner and cried my heart out and in the end, you guys would have had to come and entice me out with promises of candy and hugs and ambitions in life.
(many a tantrum has been averted by volunteering to camwhore with me.)
I have always thought I was a weak person because I often cry at such little things.
But now, no more! I have a brand-new defense.
Next time you say I am a slut, I will agree with you.
Next time you tell me to study, or express shock at my poor grades, I won't feel like I'm a disappointment to you anymore. I will say: ''But I am a slut! Sluts don't study, sluts seduce men!''
Next time you confide in me, and tell me all your problems, I won't have to feel like crap because I cannot help you. I will say: ''But I am a slut! Sluts are too obsessed with wearing skanky clothes to listen to their friends!''
Sluts also like to pose naked, so here is a picture of me naked.
Note the pear shape.
Next time, we won't have to look for a secluded corner. We can kiss and hug in public, hold hands in public, give each other lovebites in public if we wanted to. We won't have to jump apart every time someone comes near. Sluts don't hide from public, they flaunt their sluttiness.......and I am a slut. Of course you can even say I was seducing you, because that's what sluts do. They seduce people.
This is how messy my bed is after my rendez-vous last night with Bob.
In fact, this is me and Bob kissing on our messy bed.
You see! He is between my legs! I am a slut!
Next time, we won't have to justify it to each other. We won't have to make up complicated reasons like ''I'm not ready for a new relationship'' or ''We will always be spiritually linked, just not physically compatible'' because sluts don't need relationships. The definition of a slut is ''a dirty woman'' or ''an immoral woman'', and yeah, I have no morals. There is no obligation on either of our parts- we are just friends with benefits. Of course I love you- you are very convenient, and very comfortable- but you are free to go, and so am I.
There is no need to be jealous, we are just friends who happened to be together when we felt the desire to kiss someone. Of course he loves you more.....
So this is my epiphany! There is no need to be so pious. There is no need to be so innocent, so pure, so fixated on finding the good side of human nature, so insistent on believing that in love and friendships and conscience and morality- I can say wtf if I want to, even though Desmond says girls shouldn't swear.
~
WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK.
~
I am a whore. I am allowed to say what the fuck.
In fact, I shall say it again, just to prove my point. WHAT THE FUCK.
Project 365- Day 261, 3/11/2009
I haven't been so happy for days.
~~~
[Edit]
I appreciate all the concern, but there is really nothing wrong with me. To be honest, I don't really think I deserve all this attention.......much more worthwhile to direct it to someone else, who is always a direct victim of my whims.
It is oddly liberating to acknowledge that I am a slut.
Before this, if you had called me a slut, or a bitch, or a whore, or any equivalent, I would have burst into tears on the spot. I would have curled into a corner and cried my heart out and in the end, you guys would have had to come and entice me out with promises of candy and hugs and ambitions in life.
(many a tantrum has been averted by volunteering to camwhore with me.) I have always thought I was a weak person because I often cry at such little things.
But now, no more! I have a brand-new defense.
Next time you say I am a slut, I will agree with you.
Next time you tell me to study, or express shock at my poor grades, I won't feel like I'm a disappointment to you anymore. I will say: ''But I am a slut! Sluts don't study, sluts seduce men!''
Next time you confide in me, and tell me all your problems, I won't have to feel like crap because I cannot help you. I will say: ''But I am a slut! Sluts are too obsessed with wearing skanky clothes to listen to their friends!''
Sluts also like to pose naked, so here is a picture of me naked.
Note the pear shape.Next time, we won't have to look for a secluded corner. We can kiss and hug in public, hold hands in public, give each other lovebites in public if we wanted to. We won't have to jump apart every time someone comes near. Sluts don't hide from public, they flaunt their sluttiness.......and I am a slut. Of course you can even say I was seducing you, because that's what sluts do. They seduce people.
This is how messy my bed is after my rendez-vous last night with Bob.
In fact, this is me and Bob kissing on our messy bed.
You see! He is between my legs! I am a slut!Next time, we won't have to justify it to each other. We won't have to make up complicated reasons like ''I'm not ready for a new relationship'' or ''We will always be spiritually linked, just not physically compatible'' because sluts don't need relationships. The definition of a slut is ''a dirty woman'' or ''an immoral woman'', and yeah, I have no morals. There is no obligation on either of our parts- we are just friends with benefits. Of course I love you- you are very convenient, and very comfortable- but you are free to go, and so am I.
There is no need to be jealous, we are just friends who happened to be together when we felt the desire to kiss someone. Of course he loves you more.....So this is my epiphany! There is no need to be so pious. There is no need to be so innocent, so pure, so fixated on finding the good side of human nature, so insistent on believing that in love and friendships and conscience and morality- I can say wtf if I want to, even though Desmond says girls shouldn't swear.
~
WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK.
~
I am a whore. I am allowed to say what the fuck.
In fact, I shall say it again, just to prove my point. WHAT THE FUCK.
Project 365- Day 261, 3/11/2009
I haven't been so happy for days.
~~~
[Edit]
I appreciate all the concern, but there is really nothing wrong with me. To be honest, I don't really think I deserve all this attention.......much more worthwhile to direct it to someone else, who is always a direct victim of my whims.
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